Student 14

12-14-00

The self is an extremely complex subject to discuss and think about, and people view the self in many different ways. There are several different psychological theories of the self, including those of Jung and Freud. Also, people from different time periods may have various ideas of the self such as the Romanticists of the period from 1790-1914. A self-portrait is an abstract way of portraying this inner-self, and it can take on many different forms-in fact, it would probably be very difficult to find two that are alike because no two people are alike.

Freud and Jung are two people with different ways of explaining the self. Freud said that bodily language is the key to understanding what is inside of a person. There are three areas of the self: the ego, the id, and the super ego. The id is the part of you that drives you to satisfy your wants. The super ego absorbs lessons such as those that your parents teach you. According to Freud, we don't know all that's going on inside of us, and for that reason, we can't really express ourselves. He says that the people around us might understand us better than we can understand ourselves. What we see may not be what others see. We may not even know certain things are there because we have repressed them for so long. Also, we constantly have deep conflicts with our desires going on, and it is the job of the ego and super ego to control the id's urges.

For Carl Jung, the self can be expressed using various symbols, especially the mandala, which represents unity. He believes the self is the center of personality and that one's goal is the self. One can not begin to reach the self until he is about midway through life at which time he is at a point that is not consciousness but not unconsciousness either. It is between these two that one will discover the self. Jung believes everyone has two attitudes of personality--extraversion and introversion-and four functions-sensing, intuiting, thinking and feeling. Once the self is more fully developed, a balance will develop between these, and the self will be at the center of this balance.

I personally can not fully agree with either Freud or Jung, but I can relate to some of the concepts of both of them. Freud is correct in saying that bodily language can express what is going on inside of us, but this may not be the case 100% of the time. For example, I act extremely shy in crowds of people that I don't know. I even find it hard to look people in the eye. To some people, this behavior might be offensive because they might think that I am "stuck-up," but the problem is that they don't know me, and they can't really get a good idea of how I am just from the way I act. But paying close attention to some of the things that I do constantly everyday has taught me a lot about myself that I never would have thought of had I not taken this class. I like Jung's point of everyone having two attitudes of personality: Extraversion and Introversion. I believe that there are two sides to my personality. There is the person that I like everyone to think I am-happy and cheerful. Then there is the other worrisome and stressed side that I try to keep to myself. So Freud and Jung are both correct in some aspects but incorrect in others, but the thing is that this is my opinion, and someone else's opinion may be quite different from mine. Others may think that my idea of the self is completely inaccurate, but that is what the self is all about. Your "self" is unique to you. Everyone's is different, and I am sure that we could all find at least one thing wrong with everyone's concept of the self.

Historians said it best when they classified Romanticists as being individualistic. And Romanticists expressed the self best when they became so individualistic. There really is no set list of characteristics of art from the Romantic period because every artist had his own style. They just wanted to keep the audience intrigued. In fact, Beethoven's music was so different from what everyone was used to that people thought he had incorrectly written his pieces due to being deaf. This was not the case though. He had purposefully made the pieces to be very minor and dissonant with many leaps and sudden contrast. Romanticists did like to tell stories with their artwork using the theme "Anywhere but here. Anytime but now." They pictured themselves in unimaginable relms and then expressed their feelings of being in such a place through their artwork. In the visual arts, deep, dark colors were being used. They used reds and choppy, diagonal lines to convey strong emotion. Paintings were very busy. The purpose was just to express raw emotion, and since there was great revolution going on at the time, you can imagine the intense emotions that people were feeling. This is exactly what self-portraits are all about. And this is what I have tried to do with my self-portrait-express as best as I can my self and emotion at the current stage in my life.

I chose to make my self-portrait using fractal dimensions because I have a quite complex personality, and I decided that making a house with eight rooms in it would be the best way to express the various aspects of my self. The square part, of base of the house, shows that I like stability in my life. I don't like to take chances. It also shows that I am a practical and realistic person. I like practical gifts, and I like others to think in a practical manner. For instance, I find myself worrying about other people's careless spending habits. One of my good friends is this way. She is a very caring person who will just throw money away on anything, but she really doesn't have the money to be throwing away. Sometimes I feel like her mother. I'm always telling her how she doesn't need this or that. I wish I could quit acting like that, but I just have this extremely responsible instinct, and I can't stop judging the practicality of things. The roof of my house is triangular, representing the balance I have been able to achieve between school, work, and social activities. I am a very active person, but I know how to balance my time. Many times I get awfully stressed out, but things always seem to work out for the better. This is why I chose to place to shingles on the roof in a diagonal pattern. Diagonal lines are representative of a very active and emotional person. The triangle is also a symbol of one pursuing a goal, and I definitely have one at the moment. The thing I have wanted since I was in the seventh grade was to make good enough grades to get me into pharmacy school. This is all that I am focusing on right now because it will only be a couple of months now until I have the verdict.

The outer portion of my project represents the way people perceive me before getting to know me. We learned that colors can convey feelings. I used a pastel blue on the outside of my house to represent my shy/soft side since pastels are soft colors that don't stand out too much. When people first meet me, they get the impression that I am quiet and that I keep to myself. This is true around people that I don't know because I am not one to start conversations, but if you start one with me, you better believe I will respond. I also find it difficult to speak in front of large groups like we will have to do during our class presentations and to voice my opinion to people I don't know that well. I used foil on the windows to show the side of me that doesn't like to stand out in public. Tin foil is a reflective material that brings to mind a mirror, which shows images of you and images around you. I like to blend in with the crowd. This material also represents the fact that I often find myself mirroring others. If they are sad, I am sad also.

In each window of the house, I drew an equidistant cross. A cross can represent a turning point, or crossroads, in one's life. I recently had to decide what I wanted to do for the rest of my life-a difficult decision that many of the people in this class are having to make right now. As I said, I am currently trying to get into pharmacy school. It is a long and stressful process, and my crossroads will come in a couple of months when I find out if I am accepted to pharmacy school because the answer to that question could determine the rest of my career.

In each room, I chose to use a soft, furry material as the carpet because to me soft things represent a caring, loving sort of person, which is how I see myself. I have always been one to drop whatever I am doing in order to help out a friend in need. I usually feel some kind of responsibility to make others feel better and get them back on their feet with a smile. In a way, I guess I am their cushion, which is what soft materials remind me of. I chose red as the color of the carpet also to express my passionate, emotional side. According to the Yoruba chromatic system, red is a pupa color and is a symbol of passion and warmth. We think of red as being a very vibrant color, and this is quite often exactly the way that I feel.

Each room of the house is representative of a different aspect of my self: (Beginning at front, left and moving right around to the house)

1. I always try to be happy, especially around those that I don't know too well. I don't like many people to know when I am feeling down; therefore, I have inherited the nickname "Smily" from several different people. I hear that a lot from my co-workers at Winn-Dixie. My boyfriend and his friends also call me that because of course I am happy when I am around him, and for some reason, I just can't stop smiling. A clown is the first thing that comes to my mind when I think of someone that is happy all the time. Like me, even if they're not, they still have that smile painted on to make others feel good. This is why I chose to hang a clown in this room.

2. This room represents my worrisome side. This is the side of me that is always thinking of what I have to do next. It seems like the list is never-ending. So in this room, I have a "To Do List" and a face with a worried look. The strings on the floor represent my hair after I have pulled it out-that's sure what I feel like doing at times.

3. Here we have my self-conscious side. There is a brush, a mirror, and some makeup. I find myself constantly brushing my hair, and I never go out in public without makeup on. These things must stem from a deep-seated worry of what others are going to think of me.

4. This is my perfectionist side. I used a file folder, a straight A report card, a bottle of pills, and some polished rocks to show this side of my self. It is always important to me to keep things in a very organized manner so that the next time I look for them they will be no trouble to find. This is where the file folder comes in. I use a file cabinet to file everything away. The report card shows that I have to make everything perfect, including my schoolwork. The pill bottle represents my job as a pharmacy technician-an occupation which one can not afford many mistakes so it pays to be a perfectionist at that job. The polished rocks are there because of the comment you made about my perfectionist side the day that we did our Zen Gardens. That really brought this side of me to my attention.

5. This room is filled with all the love in my heart. The big heart on the wall represents the big heart I have for helping others. I especially enjoy volunteer work and giving donations to the needy. For example, giving blood is a scary experience, but the wonderful feeling of having helped out another in dire need is worth a thousand needle-sticks. After all, my blood may have saved another's life.

6. I am a big collector, and this room has one of each one of the three things that I enjoy collecting: beanie babies, Winnie-the-Pooh, and dreamsycles.

7. I am a nature freak. I love nature and everything about it. I could just go out and sit under a shady tree beside a stream listening to the water running, the birds chirping, and all the other little creatures scurrying by all day long. This would be so relaxing-not a worry in the world. My family and I have a total of about 12 African pigme goats that we enjoy from day to day. Periodically, they have a few kids, and that's a whole lot of fun. When I have time, I like to just go down and watch these amazing animals scamper about and play with each other. I also have a Pomeranian named Mitzi, and this is what the other item in this room represents. Mitzi is a big part of our family. I know she sure gets better treatment than I do!

8. Inside the last window of my house, you will find a piano. This is representative of one of my favorite pastimes and probably them best release of emotion one could ever find. Music can do amazing things. I enjoy playing the piano either to release intense emotion or just to enjoy a few moments at the end of a stressful day. I also like to just listen to songs. Quite often I relate different songs, especially country music, to things going on in my life. No matter how I am feeling, I can always find a way through music to help release that emotion. Music is a beautiful art form.

My view of the self has definitely changed since the beginning of the semester. In my first project, I chose my shape preference as square, circle, cross, spiral, and triangle. From this final project you can tell that the order is all reversed now except that the square still has the number one position. I have enjoyed learning so many things about myself and how so many different things can represent the self. Before taking this class, I had never thought of color, line, and shape as having so many different meanings. I sure have a much better understanding of art and have come to appreciate it much more over the past four months. Thanks for such an enlightening experience (even though it was a lot of work)! I have learned a great deal in this class. Keep up the good work.

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